Ok... lets start with yesterday's embarrassing food journal...
Breakfast : cereal + milk = banana
Snack : jambu
Lunch : 2 vege + 1 beancurd + mutton curry (i could actually feel the heart clogging!) and no ricelah!
Snack : Jambu & banana
Dinner : Curry mee (way too much santan - do didnt even finish it)
Snack : *gulp* chocolate balls :-(
*sigh*... So much for yesterday's post about me managing my eating... I do... but perhaps not consistently lah... :-/
Today's passage talked about our priorities - what drives us to do the things we do, and in this case, to lose weight. And of course, the monumental statement is "... set my primary focus on Jesus... God is the One and only one - who can meet all your needs."
The last time I did this programme, I did it for 3 months. I lost the weight. Felt happy. Was exercising more. But now in retrospect, I wonder if I was doing it because of Adrian. Adrian is someone I am dating. At that time, his mom said I was fat.. not suitable for her son. *yes... very traditional asian thinking* While I did tell him that this is who I am, so take it or leave it, (which he did take ^__^ ) I still ask myself if I was doing it to prove a point or win favour. I honestly feel, that I am not sure about the answer. Perhaps I did, cos when we started dating again (we took a short hiatus to evaluate the direction of our relationship) i slowly stopped the First Place / Divine Diet plan, BUT the food intact was still in (moderately) check.
So what is different now?
1) I feel my relationship with God straining. Not that I am turning away, but I just feel lonely sometimes... empty. I know he is there but I feel I havent been spending enough time 'dating' him...
2) I do want to lose weight and be more healthy. Mom had a fall and almost injured her operated hip. If I want to be able to bend down and pick up my child (which I hope to have soon within the next 5 years) and sit on the floor to play with him / her, then I need to make sure I am physically fit!
3) The programme works! And it is true... if we can have a commitment to a programme, why cant I make concrete my commitment to God? And if I can make my commitment to God, why not a something (relatively) trivial like a weight loss programme!?